Hello, end of week 10?? Where did this quarter go? I swear it felt like the longest ten weeks of my life while we were in the thick of it, but now that it’s over, I feel like it went by so fast. This quarter, some superawesome things happened! I do have a few #lifeupdates to share with y’all, though! Read on….
This quarter, I started taking anxiety medication, for what turned out to be not anxiety, lol. I was supersupersuper tired all the time, and I was pretty dizzy throughout the day. I had intermittent headaches, constant nausea, and decreased appetite. I also had a cold this whole quarter, which I just thought was annoying and maybe had something to do with allergies…? Anyway, last weekend I went home and the cough and exhaustion got a million times worse, so I figured I might as well go to the health center on campus. They first tested me for strep, the flu, and mono….Turns out I had MONO. I asked where on earth I could’ve contracted mono, because I’m very careful about sharing drinks and lip products, and my boyfriend doesn’t have mono, so…?? But the doctor said it can also be passed through phlegm, and that since I work with tiny humans (as Arizona Robbins would call them) very often, it’s likely I contracted mono from blowing their tiny, cute, mono-infected noses. Then he goes, “Better prepare yourself for a life of sickness if you wanna work with kids.” Okay, thanks?? Lol.
But that does affect my India trip. The nausea and decreased appetite is a sign of an infected liver and spleen, and I sleep approximately 14-15 hours a day right now. There is no way to know if those symptoms will be better in three weeks, as they can last up to six months. Anyway, my doctor and family urged me to postpone the trip. I was really adamant about keeping the trip in December, but the risk of infection is too great. The pollution in Delhi right now is the worst in the world. In addition, since we don’t know when I contracted the disease, there’s no way to tell if I am contagious, and the last thing I want in the entire world is to accidentally pass it onto a child living in the slums in Delhi. That was the thing that finally convinced me to postpone the trip–the risk of infecting others in India. I don’t want to selfishly go in December because it works best for me, and then end up getting a bunch of innocent kids sick.
So, with all of that in mind, I postponed the India trip to August 7th, 2017. It was the next available time for me to travel outside of the country for three weeks. I am incredibly sad about moving the trip, but I know it’s the best thing I could do for me and for the kids right now.
Instead of traveling to India in December, I’ll be throwing my attention into the needy in the Twin Cities. I went to a church service in downtown Denver on Thursday night, the day I postponed India, and I was very down about it. During the (INCREDIBLE) worship, I felt the weight of disappointment lifted off my shoulders and instead felt a weight of love for the Twin Cities. I have the resources to reach those who need help in St. Paul and Minneapolis and the surrounding suburbs, and I’m going to use those resources in the weeks I would’ve been away. I’ve already been in touch with some volunteer organizations in the area, and although I am still wishing about and thinking of India, I know that this is where I am needed right now.
In addition to these things, I have something else to share. I came back to my college this year in hopes of starting over with new friends and a new major and new challenges, and those things did happen. I have an AMAZING best friend/roomie/sister, and I love my religious studies classes. I still adore the Denver community, and I am relatively happy here. But I knew within the first two weeks of being back that this is not where my heart is anymore.
To start off, I am learning things in my music classes that are not relevant whatsoever to the things I want to be learning. I don’t have a passion for classical music at all; I don’t care one bit about figured bass or counterpoint or anything like that at all. I love musical theater. I want to take theater classes as a part of my music minor. I want to study musical theater history, and learn the best techniques for musical theater singing. I don’t want to study Italian arias. They’re fun sometimes, but that’s not where my passion lies at all.
In addition, in talking with older adults in my life and doing some personal soul-searching, I have come to realize that social work is the degree that I want to seek. I looked at my resume and examined the volunteer positions and summer jobs I’ve always gravitated towards. What do I love to do? I also thought about taking some time off and working while I sort of ~find myself~, but all of the jobs I wanted to apply for needed a degree in social work. However, my school does not offer an undergraduate degree in social work. We have an amazing graduate school about a block away from my dorm, but I can’t study there unless I wanted to do the joint undergrad-grad degree program. I did consider that for about a day but I knew that it wasn’t for me.
Finally, I know in my heart that I have never felt like I am a part of the campus community here. I have been involved with various groups, I have friends in a lot of different majors, and I try to go to a lot of events (when I’m not sleeping away mono, lol), but I still somehow don’t feel completely included. This is not me saying anything like I don’t get invited to things and I’m sad and FOMO!!!!! This is saying I haven’t felt a love for my university the way others do since last fall. I don’t want to spend the next three years of my life here–the thought of that honestly makes me sad. I don’t feel like a true community member at my school.
And that was something I wrestled with. I loved it so much fall quarter last year–so much. I truly felt as though I’d found my home! But I think I’ve evolved so much as a person that my values don’t align with my university’s anymore. I still have incredible friends, and I’m making new ones every day. But ultimately, I know I can’t stay in Denver because of my friends here. I am in college solely to get a degree in something practical, something that I love. For me, that means social work and musical theater, neither of which I can study here.
So, I will be transferring to a school in St. Paul, Minnesota. One that has an amazing social work program, where I can minor in musical theater. But I will be back in Denver as often as possible. And who knows–maybe I will return permanently again someday. But that day is not today.
That’s all I have for now. Here’s to new adventures.